Sometimes it Gets Messy...

It’s a Wednesday night and if I can be honest, I have been sort of dreading this “come back blog.” And at the same time, I’m excited to be back to share and experience life with ya’ll!

You may be wondering, where have you been Chalssie? I have not seen a blog post from you in months. How are you? My answer is simply, I am here. Over the past few months, I have learned and I have grown. And, by the grace of God, I’m here. 

I wanted to pop-in and share a few things that I have learned this year.  We are a couple of months away from 2020. I honestly, can… not.. believe… it! I know it’s a cliche saying that these years are passing by, but IT’S A THING. And although, it would be somewhat convenient for me to pick-up where I left off or ramble on about a simpler and safer topic drawn from a hat; I want to keep it real with yall!

I have navigated through a journey this year that I believe was pivotal in my relationship with God, and I pray that this part of my story will encourage your walk. 

This year, for me, has been a time of deep pruning, refining and pressing. A year of mourning and grief - spiritually. A year of battle and of GREAT turbulence. I don’t share this for pity & I am no victim. There is a greater purpose within the pain I’ve experienced. And there is a greater purpose in yours too. 

Let me begin by taking a few steps back. At the end of 2018, the Lord placed the word “new” along with the scripture, Isaiah 43:19 on my heart. It was impressed so strongly. 

And the scripture reads;

“See, I am doing a new thing!” Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

What’s so interesting is that I took a portion of that scripture, and I ran, and I mean raaann with it. Initially, the words that seemed so beautiful in my eyes and what stood out to me was, “Behold, I am doing something new.”  The word “new” was like a Golden Calf in my heart…I mean, I was all like, “YES, Lord” do something brand new in my life. And when life did not span out exactly how I pictured, let’s just say, I panicked. 

Sort of like how the disciples initially thought they knew how Jesus would come in and ultimately take the throne when He was on earth. And just as the disciples were thrown off by the will of God. In my own life, I found myself in a similar place. Aren’t we grateful that the disciples weren’t right? Pause… God’s “No” is never a human, “No”; He does not wish to withhold good from us. His no is actually a yes-- a yes to His sovereign will, the plan and the purpose that He has for you.

As an ever - evolving believer, disappointment and confusion sets in at times. Confidence shaken, hope and faith faint, present but tested. Life’s test aren’t always pleasant. It’s uncomfortable; it stings and will have you on your knees… Perhaps, that’s exactly where the Lord wanted me. To be vulnerable. Not boasting in my own understanding and knowledge but in a place of rest and total dependence on Him. 

What I began to realize was that the new that God had in store was not quite in alignment with what I had in mind. My perspective of new was packed with my agenda, timeline and comfortability. Sidenote, even though I’ve wrestled with this truth - I’m convinced that the full picture God sees will never fully look exactly the way we envision it, at least not on this side of eternity.  

The next verse, “do you not perceive it.”, led me to discover that the new would not be so easily recognizable. Again, His story is so much better, vast and inclusive than what I can ever fathom. He is the Best story teller…

As I walked through situation after situation of what felt like rejection and adversity, God kept reminding me of one of my favorite stories in the Bible and it is the journey of Jacob/Israel’s, son, Joseph. I’ll paraphrase, BUT I want to encourage you to read it.

Joseph was a Dreamer who was favored by the Lord and by his father, however, his brothers hated him for the Dreams that he shared and they hated him for the noticeable favor on his life. They often mocked him and showed jealousy toward him. In my attempt to make a long story short, His brother’s ultimately, sold him into slavery. For 13 years he faced a series of traumas, abuses, rejections and false accusations. 

I suspect that in the silent season between the Pit and the Palace, Joseph probably questioned the Lord a few times. I’m sure that he had a few transparent, raw and ugly conversations with God, as well. I’m sure that He felt alone, ashamed, unworthy, afraid, confused and even tormented within his mind at times. I’m also convinced that he may have even struggled with doubt in the very dreams that God placed in him. 

But on the spiritual side, God was strengthening Joseph’s faith, reminding him of the dreams that He’d given him. Cultivating the gifts that He placed inside of him. Affirming and correcting his integrity and character. In hindsight, God protected and provided for him.  I can picture God encouraging him in and through situations reminding him to stand strong in the face of adversity. After each setback that Joseph experienced, the Word says, and “God was with Joseph.” 

And guess what, through the trials that you face, God is right there in the pit and in the process with you! Sometimes in our walk with God, He leads us to the pit as we navigate this life. This place is not to be despised and rushed, because it’s the time where God is wanting to establish identity in you which ultimately glorifies Him as His vessel and allows us to discover who we truly are. 

As time went on this year,  I realized that God desperately wanted my heart - the true, raw and transparent version of who He created--one whose identity was not entrenched in the ‘technicolor coat and chain’ or ingrained with the approval of man. What God wanted for me was an  identity deeply rooted in Him. He was pursuing me to seek His heart in a deeper way.

He helped me to realize that He multiples and redeems. He is desperately in love and concerned about you. And as His hands and feet He desires to use us as His vessels to willingly and consistently be used for His glory.

What I love so much about the story of Joseph is that after 13 years of him having the dream, He eventually sees this dream unfolding in front of his very eyes - not looking too much as he imagined as a 17 year old boy.  The now 30 year old man, second in command in Egypt and placed in a position of power to literally nourish a whole country, was prepared to serve not only the country but his very own family that abandoned and rejected him. What a foreshadowing of Christ & the church.

So I ask, who is on the other side of our willingness to keep going? Who is willing and able to lean into God and not on our own understanding or agenda?  Will we be willing to press through the turbulence, pain and uncertainty in order to see the purpose of that Dream fulfilled. The dream that is so full of revelation and promise. The dream from God that glorifies and reflects his faithfulness? A dream matured. 

He multiplies. Throughout the Bible, He multiplies. And, trust that God desires to take the multiplied, crushed fragments and broken pieces of our lives to make something absolutely beautiful sketched into eternity. Let’s unify together within the bigger picture.

Don’t give up dear, friend. God is with you.  You are NOT alone nor forgotten. There are nations waiting for your willingness to keep going.

“He is making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” 

Hebrews 12:2

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.“

Isaiah 43:19

Luke 22:42

Hebrew 12:2

Let’s live this thing!

With love, 

Chalssie